WHEN FRIENDS LEAVE....

Last night, a very close friend of mine, left to do her M.S in the U.S. A frequently occurring phenomenon, nothing unusual about it, I know. Yet I can’t help but feel a little bit lost. No more when I am bored can I just pick up the phone, dial her number and talk endlessly, just meaningful nothings. Gone are the sleep-overs, theatre visits, restaurants, gang get tog ethers, private conversations, laughter and tears. It’s all going to be purely virtual. She and I have known each other for sixteen years. We studied in the same school right from Ist standard and continued our entwined lives in the same college.

What makes her leaving more painful is that those twelve years together in school, did nothing to make us close. Yeah, we were friends. I do not deny it. But, were yesterday a reflection of four years ago, when she was leaving for her boarding and we said our last byes, I could easily have said,” Bye! Have a good time the next few years”, turned away and walked off unaffected. Instead, as she left, when we said our last byes my heart could not but will her as she walked away to turn around and wave again hoping for one last bye and a wave. And when she did, hope again for another last bye right until she disappeared from all our sights.

I shall miss her. Miss all the things we did together. But what truly makes me feel low is a fear. A fear of whether things will really be the same when she comes back. In those last few moments when we all exchanged those last statements of ‘promise you will mail regularly, don’t dare forget, scan all photos you take there” all that kept running in my mind was “What if she slowly forgets to mail back? What if the new friends she makes might not be too nice? What if distance in miles leads to a distance in our minds? What if she changes and will no more be that amazing mixture of wise beyond her years, yet charmingly innocent?” .A thousand ‘Ifs’ that were running through my head, a thousand ‘Ifs’ unanswered. Only time can answer these questions. And time is a cruel mate who makes you wait and at the end of it all wont necessarily give you the answers you would want from it.

In the end, during those final hugs and farewells unable to contain myself, I burst out and told her, “Just one thing I want from you. Please don’t ever change. Come back the same person”. And when we all walked off, everyone of us were silent and had no words to say. Yet, we knew exactly what the other was thinking about.